Will you be traveling this weekend to be with family for the holidays? Or maybe you’re hosting the clan. Visiting with family and friends is a joy of the season. But as the group gathers, stress can build as well. Old rivalries resurface, your least fave relative gets on your nerves, kids are out of control.
Hey, it happens to everybody. A little advance planning can do a lot to ease tension and help you really enjoy your holiday.
First, a little gift for your hostess (or for yourself and your guests) is always a good idea. And flowers are a smart choice. Why? Because they’re not only pretty, they also can decrease anxiety.
According to recent behavioral research from Nancy Etcoff, PhD, of Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, flowers in the home can affect a wide variety of feelings.
Says Etcoff: “One of the effects [of flowers] is they are very calming and they ease tension. We all like to stop and look at something beautiful and refresh ourselves. We feel so much better.
“Flowers are little miracles of nature – they’re such exquisite natural creations.”
Berkeley, Calif.-based relationship expert Elayne Savage, PhD, agrees. “Flowers brighten our lives,” she says.
They may also help keep us grounded. Savage, who is the author of “Don’t Take it Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection” and runs www.queenofrejection.com, points out that high expectations for a perfect day often lead to disappointment.
“Revisiting a childhood home, it’s easy to start thinking that it’s going to be the way we always wanted. We have an idea of a Norman Rockwell Christmas … and don’t stay realistic.”
Here are some more tips from Savage for keeping your cool and having fun:
Choose your reaction. Remind yourself that people are who they are and aren’t going to change. But you can control your reaction. Change the subject or say something like: “Thanks for asking. Let’s talk about it another time.” Ignoring negative behavior helps to eliminate it.
Be positive. If you have a difficult relative, try to find one thing to respect about that person, even if it’s superficial, like her skill at board games. If you can find something to admire, that person is more likely to respond to you positively.
Laugh! Challenging as it may be, try to find humor in the situation.
Take a time-out. Something as simple as getting up to get a glass of water can help you keep you cool. Or go smell your flowers again! And don’t forget the power of slow, deep breaths.
Hit the road. If you’re visiting out-of-town relatives, consider renting a car. That way, you can take a day trip or just get out for an hour or two.
Teamwork. If you’re bringing a partner into the mix and anticipate tensions – nosy questions from Aunt Cindy perhaps – give your mate a heads-up beforehand and together prepare how to respond.
The bottom line is not to take anything, even snide comments, personally. Says Savage: “That’s the whole secret. Keep reminding yourself that it’s not about you – it’s more about the other person.”
